Sep 2, 2004
weakness

i feel so weak. i failed at my attempt to care about someone...had you shown that you understood that i cared, but didnt agree with what i was saying, i would have left it at that. i felt ignored and responded by yelling even louder. but it doesnt matter now. you hate me. youve got someone who will (hopefully) treat you good, although sometimes i wish hell upon you. sometimes you make me want to make you miserable. youre never going to read this, so what the fuck. im happy you now understand the "overly gay" part. more later. maybe.

Posted at 01:06 pm by addisonangel
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Jul 26, 2004
lehua

who called you a slut? it sure as hell wasnt me. its hard to say this without it sounding like "i told you so," but maybe you understand what ive been saying now. i hope you do because being called a slut/easy/whore is small shit compared to what might happen to you if you dont learn now. i just read my blogdrive for the first time in months and someone named ryan left a comment along the lines of "youre a slut...quit bitching about your life...quit preaching...blah blah blah." was it the same person? maybe they were targeting me or you, but got shit mixed up...who knows? im trying to stay out of your way, if you havent noticed, because i feel like youve got a lot of hate for me. i dont know why. and because i cant stand being around you while you put yourself in bad situations because i want to take care of you, but i fucking hate the feeling of having my advice shoved aside and having you brush me off when i try. its almost like you resent me because im "holding you back." whatever. go ahead, get fucked over. let people use you. act as if you dont care what people say. its all a lie, and everyone knows it. you DO care what other people think, or else you wouldnt have given a shit when someone called you a slut. you dont want to get fucked over, because, who does? you dont want to be used, because youre scared of getting raped. you dont realize how many people give a fuck about you, and right now, all these people are fucking banging their heads on a wall. gah...you dont realize how frustrated you make me. fuck all of them. this is about you and me. i care about you. but you dont seem to give a shit. im worried that youre gonna get fucked over in more ways than one, and i see it coming. but once again, you dont give a fucking shit. sometimes i wish i never met you. then i wouldnt have to worry about you. and you wouldnt have to listen to me. but once upon a time, you made me happy. theres so much shit i want to say, but i cant for fear of...what, i dont know. of pushing you the wrong way. not necessarily away from me, but making you want to retaliate and end up in deeper shit. as for the "addicted to sex" thing, yeah, i kind of think you are. and maybe you think im a fucking prude in exchange. im not judging you because judgements only inhibit growth. i dont think its the sex that appeals to you. maybe its the closeness, like youve told me, or its the escape from all the shit you dont want to think about. im gonna sound like a therapist, but im willing to sound like any fucking thing under the sun to get my point across. you need to figure out what it is that you dont want to think about, or what it is that you need that sex provides. i find that i have so much to say, yet so little power to say it. i wish you would allow me to take care of you, or at least listen and think about what i have to say instead of just blowing it off. perhaps one day, this will all make sense to you. yours truly: your addispoon

Posted at 04:34 pm by addisonangel
Comments (1)

Mar 31, 2004
i need...

i dont understand why lehua writes "i need love." she had it and she fucked it up. so selfish...

Posted at 02:56 pm by addisonangel
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Dec 15, 2003
lehua

fuck you. fuck love. fuck your sad ass sob stories. im fed up with your shit. the fact of the matter is, i like butter, and nothing you can say or do will change that. on top of that, i suppose you could say that i do care what people think when im with you. thats the truth of it. i cant have shit floating around about me being a lesbian. duh, ive told you that before. im walking on nails right now. maybe you dont know that, maybe you do and you dont care, maybe you think that i shouldnt be concerned with trivial shit like that.

Posted at 03:07 pm by addisonangel
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Sep 24, 2003
love

love sucks. its just a four letter word, that rips your heart into shreds so small, you can fit it through the eye of a needle. by the way, i love butter, yes, butter, not margarine. and im obsessed with alika. more later...

Posted at 11:58 am by addisonangel
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Aug 25, 2003
stupid freshies!!!

im in aunty bevs right now, bored off my ass...im supposed to be here to direct the freshies all over the place, but they all seem to know where to go...sort of. boy, im really bored. kaiu and 'risa were here, but they all ditched me...*tear* they not luff me! well, no one is going to read this site anyways, so hey...i can tell the entire world to fuck off and no one will know. yeah, FUCK OFF!!!! I HATE THE WORLD!!! does anyone know how hard it is to act like nothing bothers you and that youre great and you love everyone and all that shit?! and to have people do shit behind your back...and be a sexaholic...and have people control every aspect of your life, the way you dress, the food you eat, the shit you do, where you go, who you go with, who you associate with? its such a pain in the ass. and having doubt in your relationships. does anyone really care? i dont think so. no one will find out about this site, no one at all. argh, i hate the world. and i hate it when people judge you by what you did in your past. the people up here are so fucking stupid. no one wants to talk to me, and i feel like everyone spent a year badmouthing me cuz they knew i would never find out. the real test comes tomorrow though. if anyone fucks with me, im not going to take in sitting down, never. just do yourself a favor and dont piss me off.

Posted at 01:13 pm by addisonangel
Comments (2)

Aug 20, 2003
tay, whas goin on?

im so bored, i tink im going to cry...
i need to see my lehua...
and old loves can tear your heart into shreds...

Posted at 06:43 pm by addisonangel
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